Some of us may know someone whose second cousin’s nephew had turned their video game addiction into gainful employment. These tales do exist.
Boundless had a student once who was ranked second in the universe of “World of Warcraft”, winning about 25k a year in various competitions two years running – a perfect example of the world damning someone with faint praise, for that young lad was reinforced into spending more time is his basement, away from his friends, his parents and his school. Now he earns nothing.
Let’s define digital addiction by its impact on quality of life. You know you are an addict if a few or more of the following apply:
1) Outside of shared gaming, you stop hanging out with your pals (if you have any left)
2) Your routine is school, gaming, dinner, gaming, bed – repeat ad nauseam
3) Arts and/or sports and/or hobbies fall by the wayside, and you don’t initiate anything new
4) You resent any intrusion by your parents, in any facet of your life. You just want to be left alone
5) You are packing on some pounds
I speak to scores of families every year whose parents are beside themselves with anxiety about their kids’ digital addictions. Feeling helpless, parents sense their children’s futures are slipping away. They panic, and resort to a matrix of ineffective punishments that only increase resentment.
If I may offer a little perspective.
First, let’s acknowledge our hypocrisy.
“It burns me inside when you yell at me about my video games while you’re on Facebook”.
This is a direct quote from one of my buddy’s teens in a letter to his mom. If parents add up their own TV time, emails, facebook, ebooks, smartphones and our inclination to play a few games here and there, what you have before you in the mirror is a bona fide hypocrite.
But so much of this is related to work, you might argue. You take care of your responsibilities. You insist it’s not a fair comparison.
From your teen’s perspective, you lack the moral authority to nag them about gaming. It is every teen’s full time job to question authority. So even if you cling to the idea that somehow your digital habits are not a problem, your kids know better. Don’t take the moral high ground because you have none. You procured the damn Playstation in the first place. Your kids will tune you out. Know this, and you stand a chance to move forward.
Many parents overestimate the problem. If your child is reasonably civil at home, has a social life, gets exercise, does okay at school and contributes to household chores, yet is still a prolific gamer – relax – your kid is doing okay even if he is not living the ideal Leave It To Beaver lifestyle that you think you had growing up. Times have changed. Kids do digital and there is no turning back.
Letting this go will liberate both you and your whole family.
But what happens, as is often the case, when the digital addiction is serious, impeding your child’s growth and maturation?
GET RID OF THE PLAYSTATION. PERMANENTLY. Do this unilaterally. It’s your home. You have the right.
You can expect quite the hissy fit. Remove heroine from a junky, and the withdrawal symptoms can be vicious. Yanking the plug on an Xbox will illicit the same response. It’s okay. The hissy will subside in a matter of hours or a few days, and no hospitalization is required.
How simple, huh? So, why doesn’t everyone do this? The solution is right under your nose, it should be easy, no?
It ain’t easy. There is guilt. There is the irrational anxiety that the hissy fit will last forever and do irreparable damage to your relationship. There is the realization that you may not be able to lean on digital day care any longer.
Put this aside because the stakes are so high – your child’s healthy development is at a crossroads. The addiction needs to be excised. A clean and swift cut heals more quickly picking away at a wound.
There is also the likelihood that your child will simply transfer the addiction to another screen like the home laptop, or the smart phone or a screen at a friend’s house.
But it’s better than nothing. You can reasonably expect a reduction in screen time by half if you toss out the WII. You will also be creating conditions where your teen will seek out something new out of sheer boredom.
That would be so nice.
Warm regards,
Steven Gottlieb,
