In describing the socio-economic status of countries, the anthropologist Jared Diamond uses W.E.I.R.D. to define Western, Educated, Industrial, Rich and Democratic nations.
Here’s a WEIRD parenting catch-22: the character traits that engender success in today’s parents can often be sorely lacking in their own children. It seems the more parents provide, the less their kids achieve.
I’m referring to those middle and upper middle class families that have thrived in almost unimaginable privilege. In terms of access to education, health care and the virtually infinite opportunities available for their children to define their own lives, WEIRD families have it pretty great as compared to even the most prosperous historical standards.
WEIRD kids want for nothing. They are driven everywhere. No skill development, artistic or recreation program is denied, accompanied by $250 carbon hockey sticks. Any academic shortcoming is addressed by expensive tutors. WEIRD kids have often travelled the the globe before the age of 18.
Being WEIRD also means treading carefully. The generous allowances bestowed are disincentives to get a job. The reliance on digital daycare (read video games and the thousands of hours invested in the creation of digital identities) keeps kids in their caves. Their highly structured life means they have nothing to figure out for themselves.
So, the kids don’t uncover their own stones. And this saps their initiative.
Exhausted working and stay-at-home parents have suffered long hours to bestow blessings to the next generation – especially the “self-made” parents. Their tell me tales about how they made their modest or substantial fortunes – stories about resilience and about developing finely tuned social and professional navigation skills. They had to figure it out themselves. The self-maders had fewer silver spoons. This inspired initiative.
WEIRD parents that muse on this conundrum encounter a roadblock. When they were kids and wanted to buy some luxury, they were told “no” because there wasn’t enough money. So they saved, worked and plotted to gain their prize. These same parents, when asked by their own kids for some fanciful thing, are inclined to say “no” NOT because they don’t have the money, but because it transgresses the family’s value system. This is tricky to say the least, and invites much unwanted debate and accusations of hyprocrisy (for more on this, see Malcolm Gladwell’s “David and Goliath”).
One way to go is to artificially manufacture a state of scarcity to build initiative. Not in words – because teens can smell spin with the subtle mastery of drug-sniffing dogs. But in action; like weaning them off allowance, getting them a metropass, stop doing their homework, or letting them get themselves up in the morning.
And if the reader can forgive the shameless marketing here – sending your kids to Boundless isn’t going to hurt either. Initiative is our business.
Thanks for reading,
Steven
